As life goes on



This will be the last time I talk about you, as I don’t regret anything, everything that happened took me to this happy point in my life.

This is the story of him of my exfiance, and how fighting for our American dream made me realize I was in this alone.

I can’t even recall when we started dating or how everything happened, we shared so many happy and great memories, we were a team. Time passed and  I wanted more from life and as it happens in alot of relationships your dreams become his dreams as well.

I have always wanted to come back to the country that I was born in (the US). He wasn’t born here but he lived here in his teen years with an aunt and have always wanted to come back as well…

It was set, we wanted the same dream… He did it the right way you do it in Mexican society, in front of me, with my parents there he asked for my hand in marriage. My parents gave us their blessing and I said yes, I was 24 when I got engaged soon to be 25…

Yes dear, yes to you, yes to our dreams, yes to our future… I am the kind of person that falls in love very easily but I don’t love as easily… and I loved him.

When I came to WA, I came alone he was going to move here by January of 2013 but he ended moving by the end of November 2012. We lived together, but something had changed…

We were not looking at the same direction anymore, I have always thought that if I ever get married is because for good or bad we will make things work, as “we” fight for the same dream, and I guess I’m waiting for that right moment to happen. Maybe the perfect moment doesn’t exist, maybe is in my head but I just new this wasn’t right, he did not wanted to work or help in the house anymore, I came to realize the man I thought I loved was only an idea of what he promised to me but not who I needed to walk with for the rest of my life.

To add to all of this drama his mom and him said they would help paying for the wedding and taking care of his citizenship as getting married with me would give him the possibility to apply for US citizenship. As the time got closer his mom and him expected for me to manage everything and when I asked for any kind of help from my husband to be, he would always say : ” you don’t know how it feels not belonging to this country, you are from here I am not l, what do you expect from me?”  Everytime he said that it hurt me;  as I was born here but I did not belong here either… he is a great man, but he was not the man I saw my life with.

At the end I had to make a decission.I loved him but what happens when love is not enough? Oh God I have never been selfish until I moved to the US and learned to put myself before anyone even if this meant loosing him.

March 5th 2013 that was the day I felt someone ripped my heart of my chest and stabbed it, that was the day he went back to Mexico to never come back..25 days before our wedding date.

Before I broke the engagement, we talked, and he didn’t saw things as I did anymore. We where not looking at the same direction anymore. I had changed the time I was alone in the US; and he had changed the time he was alone in Mexico…

My dear exfiance,  I felt so lost with out you. I felt the biggest reason I have come here to the US was gone, and maybe it wasn’t worth it…

I don’t know what happened in me that made me move on, I am thankful for everything you gave me when we where together, and more thankful with myself for realizing there was more than the eye could meet at that time.

Life goes on and with time and personal growth you realize that better things come along. After you left I was able to live alone, have amazing experiences being single, dating, making new connections, traveling.

And now I beat my odds as I am not only in love but I love the person I found crossing my path about a year ago, we live together we don’t pressure for the future, as we know it will come.

The day you left you broke my heart but you also made me stronger. As I said, I think you are a great person but life decided that I would seek for my American dream alone or with someone else.

Thank you one last time for everything, I hope you are doing well wherever you are, I am…I am living, searching dreaming my American life.